No wonder he keeps talking 2020 and fighting for audits and reinstatement, and no wonder he keeps taking 2024, and no wonder he keeps saying he needs to put his people in place in 2022. He doesn’t have any obligation to keep any of these promises, but damn those shouts from podiums bring in the money better than any business he ever had with the possible exception of Trump tower and his share in the Bank of America building in downtown San Francisco (his most valuable asset as 30% ownership).

According to Politico:

Former President Donald Trump’s political committees brought in $82 million during the first half of 2021 and have $102 million in the bank, according to federal filings made public Saturday evening.

The figures, shared first with POLITICO, underscore the profound reach of Trump’s fundraising power. While the former president is out of office and has been deplatformed on social media sites, he maintains a massive online donor network that he could lean on should he wage a 2024 comeback bid.

Now, thankfully, these social media platforms are not impressed by $102 million even though that’s a life-changing amount for the average university or 10,000 people. It is a good thing that Dorsey could likely find $102 million if he cleaned his couch or Trump would be able to buy his way back onto Twitter.

Meanwhile, that money – a significant amount to anyone but social media platforms, is finding its way to Trump properties:

Once Trump entered the presidential race in June 2015, he has used his political campaigns and associated committees to pump more than $19 million into his own businesses, according to a Washington Post analysis of federal campaign-finance records,” the report states. “The practice began during his 2016 run, when Trump’s campaign paid his businesses about $12.5 million — transforming donors’ political contributions into private revenue for his businesses. Trump billed his own campaign to fly himself on his Boeing 757 jet, to rent office space in Trump Tower and to hold events at Trump golf clubs. His name-branded ‘Trump Ice’ water even showed up on the campaign’s tab.

Yeah, we knew that, tell us more:

Trump has continued to bill the U.S. government even during his post-presidency, by charging the Secret Service for rooms they’ve used while protecting him at his Mar-a-Lago Club in Palm Beach, Fla., and at his golf club in Bedminster. The government has paid Trump at least $72,000 this way since he left office, according to receipts obtained by The Post.” the report states before adding teh caveat, “There is no rule against Trump charging the government for these rooms, allowing him to continue the practice indefinitely.

Okay, Okay, hold up.

In the exact same way that Dorsey could find $100 million in quarters and cash by folding his laundry, IF, Trump is a billionaire, the $72,000 is a rounding error (always up), that’s the amount of money Trump is supposed to find in… well, a pair of shoes hidden in a closet just in case his accounts get raided by the feds, as but one example.

So we’re left with two choices, and they are not mutually exclusive. One, Trump is nowhere near a billionaire, and likely nowhere near a man worth $100 million when one totals up his liabilities and is thus looking for income however the hell he can get it. Or two, Trump is such a greedy-ass, short-fingered, knee-cap-breaking, jackass that every single dollar available will be vacuumed up, even a twenty out of Ivanka’s $12,000 purse.

Again, we suspect a little of both. We just hope to spread the word that anyone “donating money” to this man is dumber than he is, and if that’s the case, we wonder how that person had money in the first place.

We are ready to provide a public service. We are setting up a special fund to protect Trump donors. For the reasonable price of 33% of the donation, we will ensure that the donation goes to a Trump account in which that money is put to its best use according to Trump’s judgment (which is never wrong, as Trumpers know).

Unlike many right-wing organizations, we are putting our terms upfront, no grifting here, we provide a solid service and pledge to keep to those terms in a contract signed with each donor. Thus, we protect the donor from sending cash that isn’t used in some way that Trump doesn’t believe to be its absolute best us. The donor knows that each dollar, or – well, .66 of each dollar, is maximized to the best of Trump’s judgment.

We think we just found our calling.

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[email protected] and on Twitter @JasonMiciak