Oh joy, lucky us. It appears that Donald Trump and Kimberly Guilfoyle are going to hit the road as part of the “American Freedom Tour.” It kicks off in Florida (where else) this weekend and features a virtual who’s who of right-wing nutters, including Dinesh D’Souza, Jeanine Pirro, Kayleigh McEnany, among others.

But as Queerty’s Graham Gremore notes, the word “tour” should be used loosely, since there are only two scheduled stops. At least right now, anyway. The first stop will be in Fort Lauderdale, Florida on Saturday and the second will be held on March 19 somewhere in South Florida.

In a breathy statement the event’s website reported:

“The American Freedom Tour is coming to you! It’s time for conservatives to get motivated and defend freedom. For one historic day, the American Freedom Tour will be in your city! Come see Donald Trump Jr., Mike Pompeo (ugh), Kayleigh McEnany, Judge Jeanine Pirro, Dinesh D’Souza, and many, many more LIVE & IN PERSON. Get your tickets now. This is a historic must-attend event featuring America’s top insiders and influencers, live-and-in-person. Register today. Build important relationship, help promote a conservative agenda and protect America’s future.”

Tickets to this weekend’s freak show aren’t what one could call cheap. Hinterland seats go for $45-$95, but anyone who hopes to be near the stage will have to fork over at least $195 per person. Folks feeling really special can fork over $1,995 each for Platinum seats. Plus additional fees.

For those preferring to attend the March event, ticket prices are equally ridiculous. Some of the prices are a bit lower, at $9.00 for those willing to be crammed into an overflow room, but otherwise, prices go as high as $2,995 (plus nearly $300 in fees) for a “presidential pass” that includes free soft drinks, a selfie with Don Jr. (oh goody!) and a bagel breakfast with Sarah Huckabee Sanders (oh double goody!)

Don Jr. will have to fit the “tour” between his schedule of testifying, along with his dad and eldest sister, before Congress in regards to the Trump Organization’s business practices as part of New York Attorney General Letitia James’ ongoing civil investigation of the company. Each of the Trumps involved has been trying to block the subpoenas they received by asserting the probe is politically motivated, but fortunately, a New York judge mandated that they answer questions.

Because making these three is one way to “protect America’s future.”