WARNING

IF YOU ARE OFFENDED OR TURNED OFF BY THE USE OF THE WORD “BLOW” IN A SEXUAL CONTEXT, THIS IS NOT THE COLUMN FOR YOU. IF YOU NORMALLY ARE OFFENDED BY THE USE OF THE WORD BUT ARE INTRIGUED BY HEARING TED CRUZ GRAPPLE WITH IT… THIS MIGHT BE THE COLUMN FOR YOU.

It is probably best to set a couple of ground rules for the following proposal, offered up during Ted Cruz’s own podcast (so DO NOT blame us). The proposed “reward” for the act discussed below is ENDING WORLD HUNGER. As in, “Would the guy blow another guy if it would end world hunger.” No one ever talks about ending world hunger for a day, so we’re taking it to mean forever, not the sexual part, but ending world hunger. But even if it meant ending world hunger for just five years, or one year…

The only acceptable answer to the question below is “Yes.” Even if you are like me and just happen to be born as the straightest arrow around, the guy who checks out women while grocery shopping.

Now, as brought up on Ted Cruz’s show, according to Mediaite, we find the following:

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) declined to answer if he would “fellate another man” to end world hunger while speaking at Yale University on Monday along with co-host, Michael Knowles.

While the two addressed hot topics such as intellectual diversity and the confirmation of Ketanji Brown Jackson to the Supreme Court, a question from a student named Evan really got the crowd going.

“Assuming it would end global hunger, would you fellate another man?” Evan asked Cruz at roughly 1:37:47 into the clip.”

Cruz quickly dodged the question, passing it on to Knowles, who confirmed he would not perform fellatio on another man, no matter the outcome.

Where to begin? As a guy, lucky enough to have experienced the act from women… it is easy to note that exactly none of them seemed to die or even be in any pain… and even if one were to be in any pain, THE ANSWER TO THIS HETERO MAN (JUST BORN THAT WAY) IS PLAINLY, EASILY, WITHOUT A SECOND’S THOUGHT: “YES, YES, WHERE IS HE? END GLOBAL HUNGER? LINE UP TEN OF THOSE FFFFFS”

To momentarily be serious, there are people in the world, perhaps even me, who – in the right situation, would take a bullet in the head to end so much suffering for hundreds of millions, perhaps over a billion. One life? WHAT KIND OF ASSH*LE SAYS “NO” TO A QUESTION LIKE THAT!!! About a B.J.?????

I will volunteer one possible answer as to why a guy might hesitate with the question: TOTAL ABJECT FEAR THAT HE MIGHT FIND IT A BIT COMFORTABLE, KINDA FUN, KINDA TINGLY AND IS JUST THAT INSECURE? OR JUST THAT BIG AN ASSH*LE?

IT COULD GO EITHER WAY. AND BOTH.

We could go on and on and on and on about this topic, but some of us are just plenty secure in our place in the world and where our sexuality falls along that spectrum that we’d spend an entire morning blowing whatever and then, after several good meals, and a lot of rest, go home and have passionate intimacy with the BEAUTIFUL WOMAN that we are lucky enough to have in our lives. (I have a secret admirer).

Ted wouldn’t answer when a “Yell Yes!!” would certainly have earned him some respect. The other assh*le wouldn’t do it under any circumstance. No one asked if he would do it if his own life depended on it. What a dic…. never mind.

It might be good to end with one thing. There actually is an answer that is worse than “No,” and that is, “Do I get to pick the guy?”

WATCH:

Yale student: "Assuming it would end global hunger, would you fellate another man?"

Conservative commentator Michael Knowles says "absolutely not." Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) declines to answer. pic.twitter.com/Qeg7XJLfHF

— The Recount (@therecount) April 12, 2022

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[email protected], @JasonMiciak, with Nicole Hickman