Food is political now.

If you plan on being a God-fearing, red-hat-wearing, non-gay marrying, Lee Greenwood singing, MAGA real man, you best eat your sausage made out of pork organs and ears, beef whatever, maybe ground sheep, and damn sure not any of that plant-based woke stuff or the next thing you know. You might actually care about the people that pick those plants, or even worse, the cow or the pig!

At least that’s what it seems like over at Cracker Barrell – the MAGA answer to Starbucks, or perhaps MOD Pizza, who knows? There are probably 50 other liberal candidates. There is only one Cracker Barrel. Admittedly, so long as your cardiologist is out of town, the chicken fried steak with mushroom-chicken gravy is pretty damned good… or so we’re told. It’s not like I… anyone who writes here has actually had it.

But apparently, Cracker Barrell just offered a breakfast sausage that is made out of the “impossible” vegetable “meal” that goes into patties of that type. (If you thought you were getting the worst part of the pig, try to imagine what part of the plant they found!). That won’t be tolerated. If you start eating vegetarian sausages, you’ll be gay-marrying in weeks! Eat one of the sausages without pork entrails, and you might make a comment about how “Tucker just said something that is the opposite of what they’ve been saying on Fox News all day. 

Put it this way. The MAGAs did not receive the news well:

To get an understanding as to why the MAGAs feel so “protective” of their white little enclave, one that is “theirs,” we have some history from a Daily Kos article that contains a significant amount of backstory:

The Washington Post reports that in 1991 Cracker Barrel was called out for reportedly firing gay employees whose “sexual preferences fail to demonstrate normal heterosexual values which have been the foundation of families in our society.” The company eventually ended the policy after heavy pressure from gay rights activists, The Los Angeles Times reported.

But in 2004, the Justice Department settled a lawsuit against the chain after numerous claims of racial discrimination against Black customers.

And that is precisely the “feel” one gets when forced to dine there (For our metro/urban readers, out in the country, on many interstates, it’s the only restaurant available to actually sit down and eat. It is either Crackerbarrel or Subway). It’s all “Americana kitsch” with cheap red-white-and-blue sh*t shipped straight from China, and the people washing the dishes in the back from Mexico are the only POC in the entire building.

No wonder a “vegetarian” sausage is causing an uprising. It’s just so woke! Next, they’ll have trans-strippers, and they’ll have to pay the waitresses a living wage!

****

[email protected], @JasonMiciak, with Nicole Hickman