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Well, the MAGAs Have Found the Next Thing They Want to Cancel — This Time it’s a Kids’ Cereal

I'm actually surprised conservatives didn't go after Froot Loops a long time ago just for being fruity.

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If you made a list of the three most dangerous things your kids could be subjected to, I wonder what that might look like. Would it include equality, diversity, and inclusivity?

Are you scared of your children learning that being nice to people even if they’re different is a good thing?

Man, the Republicans are. They’ve taken the word “woke” and turned it into the next “socialism,” meaning they just apply it to everything they don’t like in order to scare you.

At first, all we had to fear was Colin Kaepernick’s knee. Surely we would all perish if he didn’t stop kneeling! But he didn’t, and more began to kneel, and actually, some good things happened.

Then we had drag queen story hour. If anything was going to corrupt our kids, it would be some cartoonishly over the top guy dressed as a girl telling stories. You know, like the way Bugs Bunny screwed us all up forever.

Clothing lines, appliances, foods, drinks, destinations, car brands — all have been the subject of conservative boycotts over what the political right calls “wokeness.”

It’s funny, though, because they’re actually using it the same way as the people who mean it as a good thing. They’re just admitting that they think it’s BAD to be inclusive and friendly.

“Propaganda,” they call it.

According to Newsweek, Kellogg’s is doing more than talking the talk, too.

“The company has set a global management goal of having a 50/50 gender parity at management level by the end of 2025. By the same deadline, it is also aiming to bring the number of racially underrepresented talent at management level up to 25 percent.”

If making sure that everyone gets an equal shot is an “agenda” of “indoctrination,” consider me in. It’s not like I was going to stop eating Froot Loops anyway. Now I can tell my girlfriend it’s for a good cause and buy a few extra boxes of their sugary goodness.

I think “wokeness” tastes sweet.

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

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