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Trump Is Raging in Private Over the Courtroom Sketches of Him and the Reports of Him Falling Asleep in Court

He's always mad about something.

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If Trump is famous for anything, it’s his behavior behind closed doors. From the very beginning of his campaign for his (hopefully only) term in office, we knew how he talked behind closed doors about women and what he could get away with.

Then we found out while he was in office that he watched Fox News even in the bathroom, and threw ketchup at the wall when he was mad, and told someone not to bring disabled veterans to his events because “nobody wants to see that.”

But apparently, according to a recent Rolling Stone report, his ketchup-throwing days are behind him. Now he’s verbally throwing whole tomatoes, with a source telling the magazine that his anger is “maxed out, even for him” during his Stormy Daniels criminal trial.

Now, that could be because this is not only his first criminal trial, and the first one against any ex-president, ever.

But honestly, it’s more likely that he’s mad because he knows he’s going to lose.

He talks a good game, playing the martyr and calling the trial an “assault on America” that he’s “very honored to be here” for. But behind the scenes, sources say, he’s hopping mad about a bunch of things at once this time.

There is, of course, the reporting from the New York Times‘ Maggie Haberman that recounts his apparent inability to stay awake in court. And we’ve already told you about the flatulence issue.

When she reported Sleepy Don’s demeanor online, in print, and on TV, she told CNN that “He appeared to be asleep. He didn’t pay attention to a note his lawyer passed him. His jaw kept falling on his chest, and his mouth kept going slack.”

He took it very personally, and even glared at Haberman on his way out of the courtroom one day, after she reported for a SECOND time that he had appeared to be sleeping throughout the proceedings.

But that’s not all. Trump also believes that the courtroom sketch artists are aiming to make him look foolish. Unfavorable images of him

I mean, it couldn’t be because he actually looks foolish, could it?

His campaign spokesman, Steven Cheung, told reporters “None of these sources know what the hell they’re talking about and clearly have no access to any type of factual information. These are the types of losers who will try to peddle fantasy as fact because they live miserable existences.”

Trump is mad at Jimmy Kimmel for making fun of him, he’s mad about the rejection of the “uneducated jurors” his lawyers were trying to seat, he’s mad about the AC in the courtroom, and he’s especially mad about the preemptive gag order that was issued.

But the reality is, Trump can get glad in the same pants he got mad in, as my mother used to say. I mean, they’re probably soiled, but at least he still has pants on. The man is insane.

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

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