Remember that episode of Gimme a Break! where Nell gets furious at Samantha for dressing Joey up in blackface? Or what about that episode of Family Ties where they have to have basically an intervention with Elyse’s alcoholic brother?

Every once in a while, someone you might usually find funny has to tackle a serious topic that nobody’s comfortable with. But it’s something that must be addressed.

Today, dear reader, that topic is flatulence. Specifically ex-presidential, future felon flatulence.

It’s not like I wanted to write for you about how Trump is farting in court. Nobody wants to talk about that, just like nobody wanted to hear Stormy Daniels describe Trump’s unmentionable areas in horrifying detail.

But here we are, at a crossroads. Judges have been lenient, his fans have been defensive, and even the public has become accustomed to granting Donald Trump a level of grace in most cases that he certainly doesn’t deserve.

Farting so loudly that reporters take note, and so fragrantly that one’s lawyers gag while trying to address the court, should be a crime unto itself. I’m serious. Get on that, legislators.

No, okay, seriously.

According to Ben Meiselas of MeidasTouch.com, “credible sources” inside the courtroom during Trump’s current trial in Manhattan say that Trump is more than a little gassy:

“What I’m hearing from … credible sources who know what’s going on in the courtroom … is that Donald Trump is actually farting in the courtroom. And that it’s very stinky around him. It’s a putrid odor in the courtroom. And that Trump’s lawyers are repulsed by the scent and the smell.

You know we have good sources. I’m hearing it from actual, credible people that as he’s kind of falling asleep, he’s actually passing gas. And that his lawyers are really struggling with the smell.”

How is THIS not worse than Biden stuttering? Like, how are we still having a conversation about Biden AT ALL when his only competitor is falling asleep and farting so bad in the courtroom that his team is gagging on the stench?

And do we chalk the butt Trumpets up to the fact that this is his first criminal trial? Does a civil trial just cause him stomach upset, but when there’s possible jail involved, he has to fart all day to keep from exploding?

I have it on source that when Trump said to a lawyer that he kept letting long silent farts out, and asked what he should do about it, they told him to get his hearing aid checked.

I mean, it’s bad to fart in church, because you have to sit in your own pew. But Trump won’t be seen in church anytime soon. Mostly because any church he might attend, he’d have to take an elevator to, and when you fart in an elevator, it’s wrong on so many levels.

Meiselas: What I’m hearing from credible sources is that Donald Trump is actually farting in the courtroom… I’m hearing it from actual credible people that as he’s kind of falling asleep, he’s actually passing gas and that his lawyers are really struggling with the smell. pic.twitter.com/wa6F3iRDgX

— Acyn (@Acyn) April 19, 2024