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Kyle Rittenhouse Celebrates the Anniversary of Killing Protesters in Kenosha and It Doesn’t Go Well for Him

But he sure is thankful for being able to con people into making him famous.

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Kyle Rittenhouse, the poster boy for the NRA, just can’t stay off social media for very long. Like his idol Donald Trump, Kyle is addicted to attention, and he gets it by tweeting outrageous things when he needs a fix.

On the day before the 4th anniversary of when he shot three people (killing two) who were protesting the police shooting of Jacob Blake in Wisconsin, Rittenhouse posted a remembrance of how things have been for him since.

“August 25th, 2020, was a day that changed my life forever. It marked the beginning of a battle I was neither prepared for nor equipped to handle. I was forced to grow up quickly, missing out on much of my teenage years. However, amidst the challenges, there have been some positive outcomes that I want to highlight,” Kyle’s tweet begins.

I have to pause here and note that Kyle’s childhood was cut short when he dropped out of school. Of course, that was two years before he picked up a machine gun and crossed state lines to join a violent protest, so it doesn’t fit his narrative. One does grow up quickly with a machine gun in their hands.

But he had one of those even before he dropped out of school.

Kyle’s youth was interrupted by his parents, not the two men he killed or the one he wounded.

But let’s take the rest of his message line by line, and see if he really gets to claim that any of it is true — or if it’s just more loudmouthery from a perpetually aggrieved kid.

“1.I’ve had the opportunity to meet incredible people who have become friends and mentors.”

This must be the part where Kyle talks about all the owners of gun manufacturing companies, who let him put his name on their “survival” kits like some kind of war hero. The only thing more disgusting than the fact that Kyle got off on “self-defense” (when he wouldn’t have needed to defend himself from anything if he hadn’t come to the fight on purpose) is the fact that he’s been allowed to play GI Joe ever since.

“2.I’ve encountered opportunities—some good, some not so good—that I would never have had if I hadn’t defended myself.”

Well, we knew he’d get there. The self-defense bit. Sorry I beat you to it in this article, Kyle. I should have just let your words do the work. He IS right, though. If he hadn’t famously shot some people and gotten away with it during a time of unrest, he’d be a nobody, with all the opportunities afforded a school dropout with no discernible skills except at a gun range.

“3.I’ve built a career doing something I’m passionate about: fighting for our Second Amendment freedoms alongside some of the top 2A lobbyists.”

Reading this part actually made me laugh out loud. Wait until you have your own line of virtual trading cards before you start claiming that grifting is a career, Kyle. Taking stupid or poor people’s money is easy, just ask a landlord. You haven’t made a career out of it until you have a couple of bankrupt casinos and a litany of failed business ventures.

Also, who is he fighting over the Second Amendment?

“4.Most importantly, I’m deeply grateful to be alive by the grace of God, and that the jury made the right decision, allowing me to be a free man.”

See, now this part is just confusing. Did God keep someone else from getting his gun? Because he was the only one in the situation with one. I guess it’s good for Kyle that he didn’t have to go to prison, because how would he have coldly ignored his mother and sister while they were facing eviction if he didn’t have all the money he’s made from grifting?

The saddest thing about this whole tweet is that there’s a blue checkmark next to his name and he was able to post the whole thing in one message. That means that he budgeted in the cost of paying for a premium subscription to the website X where his messages appear. You have to keep track of your expenses when you’re taking people’s money. Even if the people are no-neck douchebags who lay awake at night hoping someone breaks into their house so they can legally kill them.

Equally sad is that Kyle will never be able to get a real job. He’s banned from applying to the military anymore, police departments won’t take him, colleges throw out his applications, and one has to assume that even McDonald’s would look at his resumé and think, “Killer Kyle? Yeah, no thanks.”

Take a look at how people on Twitter responded:

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

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